Initiation

After reflection, you have decided that you want to be in a mentoring relationship with a specific person and/or you are willing to mentor someone. Now, you may be asking yourself:

• How long is this stage?
• What steps do I take? 
• How many steps are there?

Remember that you are building a relationship and, like any relationship, several steps need to happen before moving from one stage to another. At this stage – initiation – steps may include, but not be limited to: 

• making introductions
• learning about each other’s
  • histories
  • communities
  • likes/dislikes
  • boundaries
  • communication styles
  • beliefs about success
  • beliefs about advising and mentoring
• establishing goals
• setting and understanding boundaries
• determining accountability strategies 

How long does this stage last? That will depend on the willingness and ability of both mentor and mentee to build trust with one another. During this time, both mentee and mentor are discovering what they need to work together, and the best ways to do so. 

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. It develops slowly and from being able to, for example, honestly say what is needed/wanted. It deepens as each person becomes comfortable with revealing and sharing parts of their personal and professional selves, and where/how they intersect. Both mentor and mentee must be able to share this information without judgement or feeling as if they are being judged. Without this, the other stages of the mentoring relationship will not be successful. 

Let us assume that you have found the person with whom you want to work. Have you TALKED? That is, have you taken time to assess your needs. Have you listened to understand? What do you know or don’t know? Do you need to educate yourself to know more? Have you decided what your next steps are?

Getting to know each other will be one of the most difficult parts of building a mentoring relationship. You arrive to meet each other, sometimes for the first time. Even if it is not the first time you are meeting, you should treat it as if it is, especially if you are changing the type of your relationship you have with one another.